Lost...in a million-acre catbox

So I recently moved halfway across the country to be closer to my best friend...I've actually not seen her since I moved but I have seen her sister about 4 times, haha.
Trying to get settled in here, but somehow feel restless...I don't feel like I'm thriving...more like barely surviving...and I feel so reclusive.
But I have stumbled upon an astounding realization...
Do you ever feel like you've left something important behind?  (I leave at least 1 very important thing behind every time I take a trip.)  Well, this time, it's not someTHING...it's someONE....
And I don't even think they have a clue...possibly they do...but they would be the only person that would even have an inkling that I feel that way...not an ex-lover, never had a relationship with them.
Ever since I left, I've found myself thinking of him every day...and falling back to a memory of the last time we saw each other and hung out...it's the only thing that makes me feel like I made a mistake by moving here...
And if he knew how I felt, what difference would it make?  He's there, I'm here...and neither one of us can uproot anytime soon...
Maybe I'm just misreading my own cues and am just lonely...but I think it's more than that...somehow, he brings a smile to my face every day, from thousands of miles away.
*Sigh*

Wronged...and Wronged Again....

I don't understand why people in my life that I get close to seem to think it's okay to just toss me aside when someone new walks into their life, or actually, when someone new walks into a mutual friend's life.  Here's my impression: "well, Jiminy Cricket has a new girlfriend so we're going to be on his side now and just see ya later, you know, every now and then when Pinocchio comes to town we'll just all hang out."  or  "oh, Mr. Magoo has a new girlfriend, um, I think I'll become best friends with her now and never answer your texts or emails or facebook messages/invites"


I don't understand what is wrong with people?  I haven't done anything to hurt or offend, yet somehow, they want to make it seem like I have.  And so, I find the radius of my circle of friends quickly shrinking, and through no fault of my own.


I never thought I'd feel so alone and abandoned in a group of friends, but I definitely did.  It's like, they could care less what I am doing, or where I'm going, or even how I feel.  And then they make limited eye contact with me as if to emphasize the fact that I'm not wanted anymore.


I am angry, and sad, and confused, and hurt, and tired.  Tired of picking up the pieces over and over.  Tired of making the effort when it is never returned.  Tired of telling myself that somewhere out there, there's at least one more person in the world that I could truly have something special with.  I guess I've reached the limit with two.  But both of them are so far away from me, and I miss them so terribly....especially on nights like these.


You know, I think I feel more lonely in a room full of people than I do when I'm at home alone, with nobody to talk to except my dog.

Can't Wait!!!

I love music, and a couple of my faves have albums coming out next month:

Melissa Auf der Maur


OUT OF OUR MINDS MUSIC VIDEO from MAdM OOOM on Vimeo.


And Gorillaz

Watch HGTV much?

Spurred in part by my new quest for creativity and in part by my love for HGTV shows, I decided to start adding small decorative touches to my new apartment.  After a training session for a holiday job, I went to a craft supply store and bought some fake flowers and greenery, a clear glass vase, and dried beans.  Then I created an arrangement to place on my dining room table.  It contains colors like the ones from my bedroom, but much more density.  Obviously an amateur job, but I like it.


The original photo is above, but I played around in Photoshop and created the versions below.

   

And so we begin...

Now that I have finally graduated, I feel the need to get back to me.  I am proud of my accomplishment, yes, but I realize that I lost some of myself and my passion along the way.  I have decided to get back to the things I love...music, food, and nature.  


Food:  Last week, I made an amazing and absolutely delicious potato soup with my boyfriend (a chef).  It was like heaven in my mouth.  I could have eaten it every day, but I ran out after 2.  Such is life, haha.

Nature:  I have always loved nature and capturing it in photos.  Sadly, the last time I really did that was when I spent the summer of 2007 in Germany.  I took so many beautiful pictures during my stay, and I really want to start doing that again.  So I started in the bedroom, with my fake flowers from IKEA.  I love their colors and textures and wanted to take a picture that I could turn into art all around my new apartment.  These are couple of the shots I took...nothing special, but I like how the light shines through them.

From now on I'm going to try to get back to following my ears, tongue, nose, eyes and camera lens wherever they may take me...within reason, of course.   :-)